I love hard.
I tell this to all my new partners. I tell them this knowing that they won’t understand. Not yet at least. But they will. It’s one of the things that makes me a challenge, yet, also so rewarding.
I love hard.
This means that I am passionate and devoted. I set my world up to revolve around the love in my life. Money, material possessions, jobs, all of that comes second to my loves. I’m not stupid. My job is necessary to be able to make my life possible for love. But it’s not my passion.
I love hard.
I fall fast. I fall hard. I never want to get back up and dust myself off. If my lover doesn’t make me, well, then I don’t. I want to fill the world with my love. More love. More time. More sex. More cheesy playlists and adorable messages. Love letters, yes, the old fashioned written by hand kind.
I love hard.
So, I’ve taught myself to set up boundaries. No this, No that. Nothing that would get me in over head. I pick people to love as carefully as I can. People who won’t take advantage. People who will support me, center me, keep me focused.
I love hard.
This means that I can’t enjoy a crush. If I can’t make it work, it can’t exist because the next thing I know, I will be a lovesick child. This means that there are rules. My rules. Rules for me and rules for others. Don’t flirt with me if you don’t want to take me out on a date. I have to tell people that boundary. No crushes. It’s something or it isn’t. No sex until I know that this person is going to be good for me on some level.
I love hard.
I structure my life to keep myself sane. I turn more folks down because of how I love. The smallest thing that someone else may over look; I’ve turned it over in my head a thousand times, weighing it, poking it, testing it. Because that small thing could be the end of me. Sure, I can survive heartbreak, but I am a spider, linking together all my loves. I, not only protect myself, but I try to protect those I love from my own foolishness.
I love hard.
I never stop loving. See, that’s the secret. Once I’ve loved you, I love you forever. I can’t unlove. So, I’ve learned to be picky. Loving those that deserve that love. Loving those that love me for all of me. I have to love those that don’t cherry pick the parts of me they want to love and are disgusted by the rest.
I love hard.
Because it’s who I am.
This post first appeared at http://krissynovacaine.weebly.com/blog/boundaries